The spotlight is on Victoria for this tenth installment in my A Woman I Know series. My weekly link-up post is published on Saturdays and, during the month, I cycle through four recurring themes, a different one designated for each of the weeks. On the occasion when there is a fifth Saturday in the month, I publish this special feature. You can get caught up on the past installments which featured Amy, Joya, Cathy, Bernice, Josephine, Sheilah, Jude, Esther, and me by clicking on their names.
My friendship with Victoria began about 2 1/2 years ago after The Husband and I bought our current home. We are within walking distance of a microbrewery, which might or might not have been the principal reason that The Husband wanted to buy our place. He frequented the place often during the first six months while we were renovating. During that time, he would typically stay at the new place during the week while I would continue to stay at our old place which was closer to my work. It was at the microbrewery that The Husband became acquainted with Michael, Victoria’s ex-husband/current beau, and subsequently Victoria herself.
Oh, I’ll get to the “ex-husband/current beau” story in due time but for now, back to the story on how we all met. The Husband and Michael hit it off from the start although it took me a bit of time to warm up to him (a story for another time). Back then, Victoria didn’t live in the area but she would spend several weekends a month with Michael. After a while, it became a regular thing for the two of us to hang out with the two of them at the brewery Friday and/or Saturday evenings, sampling the brews and dining on the offerings from the pizza place next door. Then came the idea for the four of us to meet up for dinner somewhere else and a couples’ friendship was born.
Michael and Victoria were one of the couples who joined us on our recent Weekend In Paso Robles trip. The four of us had made a previous trip to Paso Robles back in October as well as a weekend trip to Carlsbad By The Sea in August. Fortunately, the four of us get along very well.
Victoria is a direct and straightforward person who doesn’t pull any punches or hide behind a facade. And while she’s open and honest about her life, she isn’t the type who broadcasts all of the details just for the sake of talking. The Husband likes to say that every time we’re with Victoria, it has been/is like peeling an onion, with each layer revealing more and more of the unique aspects of her life that have shaped who she is today. Victoria and I had a chance for a wonderful heart-to-heart chat not too long ago about her life, her feelings about motherhood, and her outlook on the world.
I started out with what is probably the most cliché question an interviewer can ask – is the glass half-full or half-empty? Graciously, she responded with “it depends … but usually I’d say half-full.” I followed up with another cliché question – “when you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?” Her response was “a labor and delivery nurse” because she always liked children and thought it would be a fulfilling career. She was always called on to be a babysitter and had an affinity for dealing with kids. This led me to ask “did you always want to be a mom?” to which Victoria replied, “yes, but I never thought I would have as many kids as I do”.
Victoria is the mother of seven of her own children who range in age from 7 to 28 and there are a couple of bonus kids as well. Right off, Victoria will tell you that she’s made some big mistakes in her life. One of them was getting pregnant as a teenager and giving birth at 16 1/2. She kept that baby, a girl, and fortunately, her family was supportive and helped her quite a lot. But still, she struggled for the better part of two years emotionally and mentally with the demands that come along with caring for a child while still essentially a child herself. It was sometime after she turned 18 that she met Michael.
They got married a few years later and then divorced a few years after that. Without going into the nitty-gritty of what and why that happened, I will tell you that they didn’t have any children (she wanted to, he didn’t). In her next relationship, Victoria did have another child, this time a boy. And then another boy, and another boy, and another. The pregnancy of her sixth child, a girl, was terminated at 22 weeks due to multiple abnormalities that would be incompatible with life. The last of her biological children was also a girl, cute as a button with red hair and freckles.
It could be said that “there’s always room for one more” is an apt motto for Victoria because when it comes to children, she has a huge heart. One of the bonus kids, Marco, can be seen in the top photo on the left. He’s the one standing directly in front of the tree. His mother died when he was young and Victoria unofficially adopted into her brood. Another of her bonus kids is Michael’s son from a relationship he had after the two of them split up. Yesterday was Josh’s graduation from high school. Victoria was as proud of him as she is her oldest son who also graduated from high school this year.
Back to the story about Victoria and Michael … you might say that it’s “love a second time around” for them. After their divorce, they remained in contact partially because he was a father figure to her daughter and partially through mutual friends. Victoria’s relationship with the father of her younger five children eventually became so dysfunctional that she left him about four years ago. A year later, she and Michael began to reconnect. And another year later, she and her five youngins moved back to the area and in with Michael and his son. There are also three dogs. It’s a home that is full of love and life.
The two of them joke a lot about being divorced, referring to each other as “my ex”, and say that they don’t want to marry again. They’re happy with life as it is. When I asked Victoria about what brought them together again, she told me that for her, Michael is the only man with whom she has ever felt like she can be herself. That in their relationship, she feels safe and accepted.
If you ask Victoria about what motivates her, her answer is her kids. She wants to do anything and everything she can to give them a better life and keep them close. She strongly believes that kids deserve to have a voice and should be provided a safe environment in which they can. It is at their dinner table where her children are encouraged to bring up issues, either personal ones or ones amongst them, to be discussed and worked out without ridicule or judgment.
Like most parents in the last year, Victoria worked through the challenges of distance learning for her children due to COVID school closures. Being an advocate for each of them cannot be an easy task but one that she takes on wholeheartedly. Victoria told me that for her, the best part of motherhood is watching her kids grow into well-rounded, mature people who are learning how to be true to themselves. Her least favorite part is cleaning up after them. Even so, Victoria says that she is having so much fun as a mother and despite the difficult times she has faced, she wouldn’t change a thing about her life.
In addition to being a hands-on mom, Victoria also works full time. The background in the photo above wasn’t selected at random; Victoria manages an independently owned food-court style BBQ restaurant (counter service with a shared adjacent dining area). The food at Ventura BBQ is great and I recommend that you try it if you’re in the area. While looking for work after moving back to be with Michael, Victoria began to help out the owner of the restaurant with some marketing and bookkeeping which eventually turned into the job of running it. One of Victoria’s many admirable qualities is her willingness to jump in and help when and wherever it is needed. She is also extremely well-organized and knowledgeable about being successful in the service industry.
While not much for shopping or fussing about her clothes, Victoria does have a fondness for stylish athletic shoes. She says that she has about 15 pairs. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t think to get a picture of her wearing some of them. The one thing that she does do for herself is getting pedicures, with the works. It’s a bit of pampering that she treats herself to regularly and doesn’t mind spending a little extra on it because she knows how important self-care can be to her well-being. That and spending time with me, of course.
Let’s Wrap This Up
Now, onto the Fine-Whatever link-up. My featured blogger from last week is Jennifer, a freelance wardrobe stylist who is also a Francophile and clean beauty advocate. On her blog Curated By Jennifer, Jennifer writes about sustainable fashion and healthy living.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this brief introduction to Victoria, one of the fabulous women I’m honored to call my friend. The next month with a fifth Saturday will be July and I already have another awesome woman in the queue to introduce to you. However, I’m still looking to fill the remaining slots for 2021 as well as mapping out the ones for next year so be warned my other friends and family, I may soon be calling to ask you for a favor. Please consider saying yes.
Be well and let’s stay in touch! Subscribe, tweet, follow, friend, pin … all options are available. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Photos: MMPerez
28 Comments
This is such a great series! So fun to learn about Victoria and reading her story!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Jill, I’m glad that you enjoyed this post.
Very much enjoyed reading about Victoria.
That’s wonderful, Gail. Thanks for letting me know.
It has been fun getting to know Victoria!
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
Michelle, thank you for letting me know that you liked the post.
What a fabulous post, Rena! Victoria sounds like an absolutely amazing woman with a huge heart and unwavering energy apparently! I am so exhausted from my two kids! I seriously admire people with more than two children who can find balance and keep on going. I love these photos of you two together! Thanks for introducing us to your lovely friend!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
Shelbee, she is absolutely an amazing woman and I’m glad that I was able to convey how wonderful she is.
What an incredible lady! I can’t imagine having that many kids – i admire her so much for running businesses while looking after them – my two are definitely handfuls enough for me, haha! 🙂 She sounds like such a lovely friend to have 🙂
Thanks for the link up 🙂
Hope you are having a great weekend 🙂
Mica, she’s definitely mastered multi-tasking and teacher her children how to be self-sufficient, too.
Awww <3 It looks like you had a fun trip with some good friends <3
Thank you for hosting!
Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!
Thank you
I enjoyed reading about your friend- she sounds like a lovely person and an amazing mom. Great series you have!
Lucy, thank you for letting me know that you liked the post and the series.
This is a neat series! It made me feel really good to write about my friend last month. Some friendships are really integral parts of who we are and it is nice to honor those friendships.
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Mireille, it is nice to honor those who had the greatest influences in our lives.
Thanks for introducing us!
You’re welcome, Lauren.
That was so cool, to read about your new-ish friend, Rena – you’re a good interviewer! It’s funny how people come into our lives.
Thanks very much for the link-party!
Sheila, thank you for letting me know that you enjoyed this post and getting to know Victoria.
So good to get to know Victoria- and I just love her story of finding love again with her ex-husband/current beau!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
Ashley, it’s been a treat for me as well as to learn more about Victoria as I wrote the post.
It was fun getting to know Victoria! She sounds amazing!
xoxo
Lovely
http://www.mynameislovely.com
Lovely, Victoria is indeed an amazing woman.
What a great read. I really enjoyed reading about your friend, Victoria. It has been years since I made any new friends, but this post has inspired me to find some new ones 🙂
Thanks so much for linking up to #TheWednesdayLinkUp
I’m glad that you enjoyed reading about Victoria, Claire. Making new friends does seem to be such a challenge as we get older.
Thank you for sharing! I too am divorced, but my 2 kids are from my previous marriage and my current husband and I don’t have any kids together. It is always nice to read about happy endings after divorce!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Carrie, it sounds like you’ve got your own happy ending after divorce.