A Woman I Know: Esther

Esther has probably been the second most influential woman in my life and I owe her a debt of gratitude. And, I feel, an apology for not having featured her sooner in my A Woman I Know series. It had been my format to do these posts as part of my rotating weekly linkup post themes that had been published on Saturdays. AWIK was the theme for when there was a 5th Saturday in the month. Having gotten out of the rhythm of hosting linkups, the last AWIK feature was published in December 2017. There are been seven prior AWIK posts and if you like, click on the following names to get caught up on the past features; Amy, Joya, Cathy, Bernice, Josephine, Sheilah, Jude.

This wonderful woman was my mother-in-law and it has been exactly a year since her passing. Last week was the unveiling of her grave marker/headstone (click here for a detailed explanation) that my husband and his sister arranged for our immediate family.  Besides the spiritual readings and prayers, we shared memories and stories that made us laugh and teary-eyed at the same time.  Afterward, we all went to have lunch Brent’s Delicatessen which was one of her favorite places to eat. It was a lovely meal that gave us more time reminisce about how special Esther had been.

Born in Brooklyn, Esther was the eldest of three children born to parents that had immigrated to America. She loved telling stories of her childhood and her life in New York to her grandchildren. The kids had heard these tales so many times that they could recite them back to her and question her if she changed a detail.

Esther met the man who would become her husband when she was 14 years old and as teenage romances usually go, they broke up for a while until he realized that she was the girl for him. You can hear more about their courtship in the YouTube video clip included towards the end of this post. In the preparation for Esther’s funeral, our daughter had taken segments from an old VHS recording my husband had found and created that video which was played during the service.

Married at age 20, Esther moved to Los Angeles as a new bride to live with my father-in-law who had moved to the area a year earlier in search of work. A year later, they had bought a home in the San Fernando Valley and had had a son, the first of their two children. Together, they built a life for themselves and raised their children in this home. She often remarked on how much she loved the area in which she lived.

Even as a woman of the modern age, Esther still held fast to traditional roles that women were expected to fill. She worked full time, volunteered time at the synagogue, did the lion’s share of the household chores, and always dressed impeccably. She was a difficult example to live up for the next generation’s Mrs Perez.

Esther was also fiercely independent and proud of the contributions she made to her family’s well-being. From her example, my husband had an appreciation for women who are strong, intelligent, and capable, so for this I’m very grateful. She was also devoted to her family still living on the East Coast. Letters, trips to visit, and phone calls keep her in touch with her parents, her siblings and their families, cousins and others. When I first came to know my husband and his family, I was amazed at how well the long-distance connections had been maintained for so many years. This was another important example Esther provided for me.

Common wisdom tells women that you can gauge how well you’ll be treated by your husband by watching how he treats his mother. At this point in our lives, my husband has proven himself me more times than I can count but it still had been reassuring to see the care and devotion he gave to his mother in her last years. She had been adamant about continuing to live in the home she’d loved for so many years and my husband struggled to ensure that she could. I know how hard it can be to balance that obligation against those of your own family.

Along with my parents, my in-laws were an invaluable resource to my husband and me when our children were young. Esther was an enthusiastic babysitter and all of her grandchildren were the lucky recipients of that attention. She and my father-in-law attended any and all milestone events no matter how significant or insignification the occasion might have been. My father-in-law passed in 2005 after a short illness but that didn’t slow her down. Again Esther offered a prime example of how to continue to live a full life even after the death of your life’s partner. Though she never dated, she spent time with friends going to social events and movies. Esther continued with volunteering and working until she was in her late 70’s.

Below is the YouTube clip I mentioned earlier. The original video was likely taken sometime in 2003 and the gentleman asking the questions off camera is Esther’s brother Jack.

Each of Esther’s grandchildren would often boast about being the “favorite” but of course, she’d never actually declared any of them to be so. They were all her favorites. I, on the other hand, was her favorite daughter-in-law. I know this because she told me so many times and of course because I was the only one. Esther, if you’re reading this, you’re my favorite mother-in-law.

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